All I want for Christmas...

As this very difficult holiday season moves into gear, I am moved to do as many do and write about the gifts we want. Not me as a writer, but me as a person who is struggling with a grief that is sometimes hard to bear, or to tell apart from depression (note: I understand there is a difference between grief and depression. But they can feel an awful lot alike). So here is...

What the Grieving Widow* Wants for Christmas

Okay, the answer to that is obvious. But even in my most irrational moments, some part of my brain knows I can't have what I really want (the science-fiction lover in me would vote for time travel so I can fix it myself). So what do I want that I *can* have?

1. The ability to remember that those horrible moments when the world is a sucking black hole won't last forever. I don't mean won't last as in I'll be less devastated in a year or two, but awareness that the black hole comes and goes on a pretty short cycle. If I can hold on for an hour or a day, I'll find that the world has some color again.

2. I'm certainly not alone in this one, but I would really like this stinking, rotten, lousy COVID to be gone, so I can go get all the hugs I need from all my friends. I don't know if I wanted to hold a funeral, but I am pretty mad at the virus for not even giving me that choice.

3. Notes and cards. All those people who sent stuff in the first weeks are vastly appreciated. I still need you.

4. Someone to share the little decisions. Okay, that's kind of wishing him back again. But seriously, I don't know how all you single parents and lone people out there do it. I managed somehow for a lot of years, but I'm used to being a pair now, and it's hard.

5. Okay, the writer wants something, too. Aside from sales (what we always want), I want people to let me know they are reading my books, and let me know when something I write gives them pleasure. A review won't hurt, but you don't have to do that. Just let me know I'm not writing into a void.

 

*I really hate that word "widow." But there it is. Also, I had to edit this and remove a lot of cuss words.

There it is, and thanks for letting me rant. I am very grateful for amazingly supportive family and friends who have held me together so far, and show no signs of letting go. I'm especially grateful to have some of them around me this Christmas, which we all know is going to kind of suck.

Middle Grade Monday: The Line Tender (Audiobook)

Title: The Line Tender
Author: Kate Allen. Read by Jenna Lamia
Publication Info: Hardback by Dutton, 2019. 384 pages. Audiobook by Listening Library, 2019.
Source: Library digital resources

Publisher’s Blurb:
The Line Tender is the story of Lucy, the daughter of a marine biologist and a rescue diver, and the summer that changes her life. If she ever wants to lift the cloud of grief over her family and community, she must complete the research her late mother began. She must follow the sharks.

Wherever the sharks led, Lucy Everhart’s marine-biologist mother was sure to follow. In fact, she was on a boat far off the coast of Massachusetts, preparing to swim with a Great White, when she died suddenly. Lucy was eight. Since then Lucy and her father have done OK—thanks in large part to her best friend, Fred, and a few close friends and neighbors. But June of her twelfth summer brings more than the end of school and a heat wave to sleepy Rockport. On one steamy day, the tide brings a Great White—and then another tragedy, cutting short a friendship everyone insists was “meaningful” but no one can tell Lucy what it all meant. To survive the fresh wave of grief, Lucy must grab the line that connects her depressed father, a stubborn fisherman, and a curious old widower to her mother’s unfinished research. If Lucy can find a way to help this unlikely quartet follow the sharks her mother loved, she’ll finally be able to look beyond what she’s lost and toward what’s left to be discovered. 

My Review:
I listened to this book a bit piecemeal—until I reached the tipping point and had to listen through a two-hour hike to finish the story, though I don’t normally like to listen while hiking in beautiful places (which was why it had taken me a while to get to that point). I engaged with the characters, which made the “other tragedy” referred to in the blurb a real gut-punch, even though I guessed it was coming. 

In some ways, this is one you could add to a fairly long list of middle-grade books about kids dealing with loss, usually that of a parent. But I can’t say this felt at all formulaic. I particularly appreciated the science aspect of the story, and that part of how Lucy the artist turns to her mother’s scientific work to help her cope with the double loss—and learns to appreciate science in a way she didn’t think possible.

The story is hard to handle in some ways, because of the death and loss that permeates it, but it is extremely well-written, and the narration was likewise excellent. I was slightly bothered by an inability to peg the period of the story—it felt a little historical, if only because no one seemed to have cell phones, and a few other minor points. But as far as I could tell there were no direct indicators, though in an audio book it is always possible to miss things.

My Recommendation:
A really engaging read, for kids old enough to cope with the realities of death. Also for anyone interested in marine biology.

Full Disclosure: I checked The Line Tender out of my library, and received nothing from the writer or publisher in exchange for my honest review.  The opinions expressed are my own and those of no one else.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Middle Grade Books on Grief and Loss

I just finished two middle grade books that deal with kids losing family members. Since the themes are so similar (though the stories and characters are not),  I thought I'd review them together. Both are good, but they feel like they fill different roles. Umbrella Summer is suitable for younger children, and gives us the emotion at a barely-safe distance. Counting By 7s immerses the reader in loss and reconstruction, and is probably better suited for slightly older children.

  

Title: Umbrella Summer
Author: Lisa Graff
Publisher: HarperCollins, 240 pages.
Source: Library digital resources

Publisher's Summary:
Annie Richards knows there are a million things to look out for -- bicycle accidents, food poisoning, chicken pox, smallpox, typhoid fever, runaway zoo animals, and poison oak. That's why being careful is so important, even if it does mean giving up some of her favorite things, like bike races with her best friend, Rebecca, and hot dogs on the Fourth of July. Everyone keeps telling Annie not to worry so much, that she's just fine. But they thought her brother, Jared, was just fine too, and Jared died.

My Review: 

This is a decent book about grief and grieving. Even while Annie narrates, so the story is from her perspective, we are given enough views of her parents and other people that an attentive reader of any age will understand (maybe before Annie does) that she's not the only one grieving. As a parent, I was interested in how Annie's parents cope--or don't cope--with the loss of their son and the continuing needs of their daughter, because I can't really imagine having to do that.* Under the circumstances, it's not so surprising that it takes an outsider to help Annie recover.

The umbrella of the title refers to the things that people do to insulate themselves from their grief and loss, which need at some point to be put away, as the umbrella does after the rain stops. For Annie, it's obsessing about everything that can kill you, from traffic to gangrene. Her father retreats into himself, and her mother cleans house. To make matters worse for Annie, no one else in town seems to know how to act around her.

I thought that her observation that people look at her with "the dead-brother look" was sharp. Death makes us all uncomfortable, and the way she copes makes people even more uncomfortable, but no one knows quite what to say to her to help her out--until a new person moves into the neighborhood, with her own umbrella. The book never suggests that there's a right way to mourn and be done with it, but only that it may take some effort, but you can find a way out the other side and continue on.

As for the story and the writing, those are sound, but not outstanding. The management of grief is the story, and that works pretty well. That's the summer project for the Richards family. The writing didn't stand out as either fantastic or as having issues, and the book read quickly and easily.

My Recommendation:
This may be a better book for someone who knows a person with loss than for a kid who has lost someone. It certainly helps the reader understand grief. Because the death is handled gently, this is probably suitable for kids as young as 8 or 9.


*We came far too close once, so I have in fact imagined it. But I haven't imagined a *good* way to deal with that.

 

Title: Counting By 7s
Author: Holly Goldberg Sloan
Publisher: Dial Books, 2013. 246 pages (ebook)
Source: Library digital resources

Publisher's Summary:In the tradition of Out of My Mind, Wonder, and Mockingbird, this is an intensely moving middle grade novel about being an outsider, coping with loss, and discovering the true meaning of family.

Willow Chance is a twelve-year-old genius, obsessed with nature and diagnosing medical conditions, who finds it comforting to count by 7s. It has never been easy for her to connect with anyone other than her adoptive parents, but that hasn’t kept her from leading a quietly happy life...until now.

Suddenly Willow’s world is tragically changed when her parents both die in a car crash, leaving her alone in a baffling world. The triumph of this book is that it is not a tragedy. This extraordinarily odd, but extraordinarily endearing, girl manages to push through her grief. Her journey to find a fascinatingly diverse and fully believable surrogate family is a joy and a revelation to read. 

My Review:  This is a curious book. At times I was absolutely bowed down with the weight of Willow's grief, and at others, felt an odd lightness. Maybe that was the author's success in conveying the utterly world-shifting nature of what happens to Willow, because I really felt like I was living the experience with her. 

There is a lot of food for thought in this relatively short book. There is the whole element of not-fitting-in, almost a cliche of books about middle school (well, it's a well-used trope for a reason. Does *any* kid feel like she fits in during those years?). This isn't hugely developed, but is rather allowed to contribute to the destruction of Willow's world--because she has no friends and no family other than her parents, she has to rapidly develop a very odd support structure.

The book also, of course, deals with grief. Not the way Umbrella Summer does, with a view to how you get over it, but more (in my mind), by showing what it feels like. Even making the reader feel it with Willow. But above all, I think the book is about family: what it is, what it's like to lose it, and how to make one out of what you have.

The odd thing (to me) about the book was the narrative voice. For most of the book, Willow narrates. But there are chapters which are told in the 3rd person, and focus on one of the other main characters, with varying degrees of detachment. I have to say that while this jarred me a bit reading, it proved to be powerful, in making the story not just about Willow, but about the lives she touches. That makes it a much fuller book, in my opinion. Willow's impact on other people also ends up making the book feel almost magical, a hint removed from reality at times. Willow herself, however, reject that nonsense.

My Recommendation: 

This is an excellent story, and is full of things to think about. There is a discussion guide in the back with some questions that I thought were very good, but for me the best part was just appreciating the author's ability to make me feel what Willow feels. Because of how powerful those feelings are, I'd recommend this one for more like 10 or 11 and up.

FTC Disclosure: I checked Umbrella Summer  & Counting By 7s out of my digital library, and received nothing from the writers or publishers for my honest review.  The opinions expressed are my own and those of no one else.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."   

Middle Grade Review: Summerlost, by Ally Condie

What? Monday again? I'm lobbying for an extra day to be inserted between Sunday and Monday, because I never quite seem to get to Monday morning on time.  So, just a few hours late, here's my Monday review!


 
Title: Summerlost

Author: Ally Condie 
Publisher: Dutton Books for Young Readers, 2016, 272 pages
Source: Library

Publisher's Summary:
It's the first real summer since the devastating accident that killed Cedar's father and younger brother, Ben. But now Cedar and what’s left of her family are returning to the town of Iron Creek for the summer. They’re just settling into their new house when a boy named Leo, dressed in costume, rides by on his bike. Intrigued, Cedar follows him to the renowned Summerlost theatre festival. Soon, she not only has a new friend in Leo and a job working concessions at the festival, she finds herself surrounded by mystery. The mystery of the tragic, too-short life of the Hollywood actress who haunts the halls of Summerlost. And the mystery of the strange gifts that keep appearing for Cedar.
My  Review:
This book has a beautiful cover, and in many ways the book is just as beautiful. Well-written and engaging, it caught me up quickly in the young narrator's struggle to recover from a devastating loss. I liked the easy friendship with Leo; the two join forces quickly and smoothly in the way kids sometimes do at summer camp or on holiday. That includes not asking many questions about each other, so that it takes Cedar some time to even think to wonder what makes Leo tick. (Utterly irrelevant aside: I really like the name Cedar. I could have put that on the short list if we'd had a girl.)

I liked that once Cedar gets started, we find that Leo has his own depths. Not tragic, like hers (which he knows about; Iron Creek is a small town and everyone knows about her loss), but he's a fully-rounded human with his own struggles. This makes their friendship feel real, not just a convenience for the author or for Cedar. The pair are certainly motivated, and if I'm a little dubious about the legality of 12-year-olds holding a regular job, (very minor spoiler alert!) the kids and the author know that their extra business is going to get them in trouble, as it does, so that part is realistic enough. The kiddie employment was one element that made me at first think this book had a historical setting, but it doesn't seem to (though come to think of it, the kids don't have cell phones or computers, so maybe it does hark back to a little earlier time. The author makes no effort to nail down a sense of time, and the small-town setting helps it feel like anything from the 50s up).

Probably my only issue with the book was my jaded sense of "here's another kid's book about death and loss," due to a recent run of books on those lines. That's scarcely the book's fault, though I do think the trope is getting a bit overused. Oddly, there was an autism element in this one, too--the lost brother was autistic, and that adds an interesting layer to Cedar's grief, without being a story-line gimmick. It's also interesting to see how Cedar, her mother, and her little brother Miles all deal with their loss. Though Miles seems a fairly static character through most of the book, in the end we see that he, too, is working things out. Nor is there any magic healing at the end. Grief isn't a process with a finish line. These three have simply made it through another summer.

Recommendation:
Perfect for ages 9 or 10 and up. The language is good, the writing, as noted, is excellent, and I think the story is equally engaging for girls or boys. It's not a tear-jerker--that grief is in the past--but it is certainly a moving book as well as at times a lot of fun, with kids who are taking some responsibility for their own lives.

FTC Disclosure: I checked Summerlost out of my library, and received nothing from the writer or publisher in exchange for my honest review.  The opinions expressed are my own and those of no one else.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising." 

Middle Grade Review: The Thing About Jellyfish, by Ali Benjamin

 

Title: The Thing About Jellyfish

Author: Ali Benjamin

Publisher: Little, Brown & Co., 2015. 343 pages.

Source: Library

Publisher's Summary:

After her best friend dies in a drowning accident, Suzy is convinced that the true cause of the tragedy must have been a rare jellyfish sting-things don't just happen for no reason. Retreating into a silent world of imagination, she crafts a plan to prove her theory--even if it means traveling the globe, alone.

My Review:

First, I want to add a couple of things to the summary: Suzy's grief is complicated by the fact that she and her friend hadn't just parted on bad terms; they had grown apart. And she is the kind of kid who knows lots and lots of little facts, and takes comfort in them.

In fact, then, Suzy appears to be yet another middle-school-book character who is a bit on the Aspergers side of normal.* This does lend legitimacy to her difficulty relating to the other girls her age, including her (former) best friend Franny. She just doesn't get those girly concerns, and they don't get her somewhat different way of seeing/processing the world (which she doesn't know how to filter for the others).

Fine. I'm okay with that, to a point. I do wonder, though, about the prevalence of this character, because it seems like I'm seeing it a lot (the kid with Aspergers, I mean). Is it just an easy way to make the struggles of middle school stand out with greater clarity? I wonder about how well most kids can relate to the "weird kids" in the books. 

Okay, rant over, I will agree with the blurbs that talk about this as a moving book. It is. Suzy's path through her grief to some kind of acceptance is striking and should give most readers, of any age, pause to think (including to think about their relationships). And Suzy's efforts to make sense out of the random accident that caused her friend's death are impressive, if quirky. I like the way she gradually finds her way to friends with whom she can relate, and her silence--she stops speaking entirely not long after the accident--make clear her recognition that she has issues with words. That is, she has trouble figuring out what might be the right words at any time (this makes the Aspergers part make more sense, and feel more necessary to the story, though I'm thinking plenty of neuro-typical middle school kids have no idea what to say).** She stops talking because her words seem to her to lead to trouble, rather than communication.

So: The Thing About Jellyfish is a beautifully written story that weaves together the difficulty of middle school with bigger life issues. 

Recommendation:

I think this would be a good story for a lot of middle-school kids to read, both the ones who struggle and the ones who make other struggle. Maybe books like this can help the "popular kids" recognize the humanity of the geeks and nerds and that weird kid who sits alone at lunch? I'm not sure. Most of us don't do well as seeing ourselves in the villains of a piece. But it's worth a try.  Ages 9 or 10 up.

*Note: Suzy is never explicitly described as having Aspergers Syndrome. But her obsessions, focus on obscure facts, and tendency to spew them out without controls make it pretty clear where the author was going with this.

**I can't help thinking of a current discussion in my Goodreads Great Middle Grade Reads group about what current books will become classics. There is a definite feeling that this sort of middle-school-trauma book is too tied to it's own time and place to have that kind of lasting appeal. I suspect that they are right, though that doesn't mean the book isn't a fine and valuable work right now.

FTC Disclosure: I checked The Thing About Jellyfish out of my library, and received nothing from the writer or publisher in exchange for my honest review.  The opinions expressed are my own and those of no one else.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising." 

Middle Grade Review: Mockingbird, by Kathryn Erskine

Title: Mockingbird
Author: Kathryn Erskine
Publisher: Philomel, 2010. 224 pages
Source: Library

Summary: 
For Caitlin, an 11-year-old with Asperger's Syndrome (an autism spectrum disorder), the world is a confusing place. Her tendency to see everything in black and white, to take everything said literally, and an inability to read peoples' faces, make it hard for her to understand the world. And now her brother Devon, the only one who could explain things to her, is dead in a school shooting, and she and her father need to find a way to heal.

Review: 
This was a moving book. I was drawn to it in part because there's a fair amount of Asperger's in my family, and it's interesting to see how it is depicted, though of course you can't take a story like this as a guide. But the first-person narration is wonderfully done, and Caitlin's difficulty in understanding the world feels very real (and the trouble idioms give her is a good reminder for anyone who deals with non-native English speakers, too).

I think in some ways what I appreciated most about the story was the way in which it showed us both that Caitlin was actually trying very hard to learn what she needs to know ("Your Manners," "Look the Person in the Eyes," etc.), often without fully understanding what it is she's being asked to do. And despite her efforts, we see equally clearly (even through her often bewildered reports) that she constantly frustrates the adults in her life. Though some of those adults do better than others at understanding her needs, I was glad that none were painted as dreadful people, just people with greater and lesser understandings of the narrator and her issues.

In the end, Caitlin does manage to find her way to "closure" for herself and her father, which is meant a good start on healing. And they bring their shattered community along with them when they find it.

Summary:
Another good book for helping us understand the different people around us, as well as just a compelling story for it's own sake. I'd recommend it for children and adults alike, especially those who interact with people on the Spectrum.

Full Disclosure: I borrowed Mockingbird  from my library, and received nothing from the writer or publisher in exchange for my honest review.  The opinions expressed are my own and those of no one else.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

L: Long Trails; and the Progressive Book Club

This is another of my loose interpretations of the letter of the day.  "Long Trails" is a topic, and only in part the topic of the book I'm reviewing:

Title: Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail
Author: Cheryl Strayed
Publisher: Knopf, 2012 (paperback Vintage Books, 2013).  315 pages.

Summary:
On one level, this is the story of Cheryl Strayed's thousand-mile hike on (and off) the Pacific Crest Trail.  More accurately, it is the story of the way she used the PCT to get her head together and stop ruining her life.  It is much less a narrative of the Trail than the other books of this sort I reviewed not long ago.

Review:
As noted, this is a book about Cheryl Strayed's journey from self-destructive lost girl to--well, we can only infer from her brief resume of her post-trail life that she pulled herself together into something.  As a narrative of introspection, the book is pretty good, though the tone drifts over into the "poor me" a little too much (on the other hand: she had plenty to feel sorry for herself about, though much was her own fault).

As a narrative of a Long Trail (there are several designated Long Trails in the US, but the longest are the Appalachian Trail, the Pacific Crest Trail and the Continental Divide Trail), it reminds me a bit of Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods (not necessarily a good thing).  You want to laugh out loud at the absurdity of some of the things Strayed does, and grit your teeth at the stupidity and naivete that goes hiking off into the wilderness with no more understanding of backpacking than I have of Hungarian.

Many of my backpacker friends hate this book.  They object to how much time Strayed spends telling us about her journey to the bottom so that her need to hike the trail makes sense, and they object to her incredible ignorance about the hike itself.  I say that both of those things are immaterial.  The book is not about hiking at all.  It's about grieving and healing and growing up.  It takes a long time, and the journey is painful to watch.  When Strayed goes off for a one-night stand in a town along the trail, I want to slap her face.  I would have appreciated less detail at that point, too.  But I get it.  

This is one Trail narrative I would recommend more for those who don't hike and aren't much interested in hiking, than to those who do and are.  It's an easy and compelling read, but it's not really about the PCT.  And it's certainly no guide for either hiking or life.

Full Disclosure: I was given a copy of  Wild  by a family member, and received nothing from the writer or publisher in exchange for my honest review.  The opinions expressed are my own and those of no one else.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."